What to Expect: The First Few Weeks as a New Foster Parent
You’ve taken the training, read countless books, done the home study, obtained licensing, and worked closely with a foster placement specialist. You have an idea of what to expect but nothing can prepare you for when the day finally comes that you’ll receive your first placement call and welcome a child into your home. Though you can’t prepare for every scenario, having an idea of what to expect and a plan can help you navigate how best to make your foster child feel safe, supported, and welcome. In this article, we share our tips on what to expect during the first few weeks of welcoming a new child into the home and how to integrate new routines to set them up for success.
For more information on foster care in Nebraska, contact Better Living Foster Care and Family Services. We offer everything from family support services, in-home safety services, foster care, and reunification services that help build stronger families.
How to Welcome a New Foster Child Into Your Home
The choice to become a foster parent first and foremost is an act of love. You’re choosing to provide a strong foundation of love and support during the most difficult time of a child’s life. They may have experienced trauma, been removed from the home by Child Protective Services, separated from siblings, or been placed in foster care multiple times. At some point in your past, maybe someone came along and was the influence you didn’t know you needed to change your future for the better. As a foster parent, you get to be that change in a child’s life and, often, in the biological parent’s life as well; providing much-needed support and guidance.
It’s important to keep in mind that foster care success can look different depending on the child and their unique circumstances. Every foster journey is different but the goal is to do what is in the child’s best interest. Sometimes what’s best is family reunification, sometimes it's adoption. Regardless of the next step, when the child enters their new foster home for the first time it’s important that the environment sets them up for success.
Creating a Safe Foster Home Environment
After working closely with a placement specialist, you will receive your first placement call based on your age preferences and experience with certain behavioral or developmental needs. Depending on the situation, a child could be placed in your home as soon as a matter of hours.
Many foster children haven’t experienced a stable and secure home environment, come from broken homes, or have been placed in multiple foster homes.
Give your child space.
The first step in creating a safe home is creating a safe space they can call their own. You may have information beforehand about what the child likes, preferences, and interests, or you may have to seek out age-appropriate items to make their space their own sanctuary. Having a quiet space of their own allows them to get comfortable at their own speed, if possible, this space should be away from other children that may be in the home, away from the central gathering place in the home where they may feel on display or uncomfortable. It’s important to establish this space before they arrive and introduce them to the space upon arrival in case they wish to spend some time alone to process the change they may be experiencing. They may spend a lot of time in their safe space at first, but this could last weeks. It’s important to set some ground rules about how they use this space while remaining sympathetic to the loss and grief they may be experiencing and their need for privacy. Things like; an open door policy, mealtime as a family or cell phone usage for older kids may be good to consider to ensure you are able to still get valuable time together while respecting their safe space.
Be patient while establishing trust with your foster child.
It can take some time for your child to trust you, sometimes a really long time. Set a routine for spending time together to help your child get more comfortable and familiar with you, go for a walk after dinner, or have a weekly ice cream date. Don’t worry if it seems like they are keeping their distance, depending on the situation, they may have trouble forming bonds with adults. Be patient and be available and most importantly, be consistent with giving them plenty of opportunities to connect.
Take a rain check on visitors…at least for a little while.
You may be excited and eager to introduce your foster child to your friends, family, and neighbors but they may not be excited about leaving their family or a previous foster family they have grown familiar with. You don’t want to appear too overjoyed, though you may be excited to share your love and home. It’s important to temper your excitement about showing them their new home environment and approach the situation at their pace so as not to overwhelm them.
They may not show interest in much for the first few weeks and may simply be in survival mode. Allow them space and time to work through what they may be experiencing. Don’t neglect the fact that this is a major change for yourself and your family as well.
Find a network of foster parent support.
Foster parenting can be isolating. You know that the child is experiencing a range of emotions but so are you and anyone else who is part of the foster family. Maybe becoming a foster parent isn’t what you expected it to be or you’re unsure how to handle a difficult situation. Whatever the case, it’s important to have a network of support from other foster parents. Due to the nature of some foster situations, you may not be able to discuss the details of your foster child’s experience with other parents, or, other parents don’t share the same concerns or experiences as you. Connecting with other foster families can give you the strength and support you need to best care for your child and yourself.
Contact Better Living for help connecting with foster parent resources in Nebraska.
When the foster relationship includes the biological parents…
Sometimes the network of support includes a relationship with the biological parents. Just because a child is in foster care, doesn’t mean the biological parent or parents are bad people. Foster care is intended to be a temporary solution to allow the biological family the time and resources they need to be reunited with their child. Being supportive of each other during this time can make the experience less traumatic for the child and increase the likelihood of successful reunification. This type of co-parenting dynamic can present conflict both on the behalf of the foster parent and the biological parent. It can be hard to remove emotion when dealing with children who’ve experienced neglect; the most common reason for foster placement. It’s important, as hard as it may be, to practice empathy for what is likely the hardest part of their life and work closely with the family caseworker. The caseworker will establish communication and visitation guidelines. Share milestones, achievements, and special moments with the biological parents. Remember that by supporting the biological parent’s growth, you are supporting the child.
Establish healthy routines with your foster child
In the first few weeks of a new child joining your household, it’s crucial to establish healthy routines. Some children may never have experienced a home where there is a set morning or bedtime routine, or healthy meals planned. There may be court or therapy appointments, doctor’s appointments, visitation with biological parents, and school activities. Having a weekly schedule that includes planning healthy meals together, and establishing a set routine can help them transition to the new environment and alleviate stress points they may have had previously by not having consistency in the home.
Make healthy meals a foundation for overall well-being.
There are multiple factors that can contribute to malnutrition in a neglectful household. The reasons could be financial, cultural, or simply out of ignorance. Making meal planning and prep part of the weekly and daily routine is a great way to introduce children to the routine and new foods. Bring them in on the conversation; ask what their favorite foods are, take them grocery shopping and have them participate in cooking together.
Set a morning and bedtime routine.
Children of abuse are often in fight or flight mode, and experience anxiety and trouble sleeping. This can affect their performance in school and their overall mental and physical well-being. Routines let children know they are safe and that all their basic needs for survival are met. Though you can’t reverse the trauma they may have experienced, having set routines can help combat the trauma response. Children thrive with routines that support their growth and development.
The first few weeks of a routine can be overwhelming to a child who has never had one. It’s best to start slow and introduce new aspects of the daily routine slowly. Start with a healthy bedtime routine like; dinner, bathtime, storytime, and a song. Keep it simple and let them take the lead and set the pace. You could experience a lot of resistance, especially in severe cases but by remaining patient, you will start to see them thrive with a healthy routine that supports other healthy habits.
Make homework and chores part of the daily routine.
In many neglectful households, schoolwork is not a priority, contributing to poor performance in school which can lead to even more academic problems down the road. Making school part of the daily routine, whether it’s working on schoolwork together or simply talking about what the child learned can normalize the conversation and uncover what they may be struggling with that needs more attention.
In time, you can establish daily chores that the child can take part in. Having age-appropriate responsibilities that contribute to self-care and the care of the entire household helps children develop essential life skills and independence. As always, the first few weeks of a new routine can be overwhelming, so let the child set the pace. Start with simple tasks like cleaning up toys or clearing their plate after dinner. Children are naturally curious and children as young as three years old can participate in small household chores.
Welcoming a new foster child to your home for the first time can be stressful, full of joy and full of heartbreak all at the same time. You’re helping a child and their family find the stability they need to grow stronger and develop tools that will last a lifetime, it’s important to know that you have a support system and community of foster parents who’ve experienced the range of emotions and difficulties you may experience and you can count on them.
Now that you have an idea of what to expect, you can make a plan for when the time comes to welcome a child to your home and some tips on how to help them get settled.
