Self-Care Tips for Foster Parents
As parents, it's common to neglect your own needs and place the needs of your child, and household first, leaving your emotional and physical well-being gas tank on E. There are always meals to plan, groceries to buy, and appointments to keep - taking care of your own needs can easily become the last priority or you succumb to feelings of guilt for wanting to take care of your own needs.
When our emotional, physical, and social health are depleted, we aren’t the best versions of ourselves, which can lead to perpetuating the problem and becoming burned out. We may become short-tempered, distracted, irritable, and lack the patience to help our children process their emotional needs and develop essential skills for emotional regulation.
You can’t care for others if you don’t care for yourself, that’s why we compiled our top 10 tips for taking care of yourself as a parent.
01. Know when it's time to make time for just yourself.
It’s ok to admit when you need a break. In fact, it’s healthy to be so in tune with your own well-being that you know when it’s time to refuel your self-care supply. You don’t want to reach the point of overstimulation and burnout before you care for your own needs. If you know that right before dinner time is a rush to get the table set, meal prepped and homework squared away, take 20 min for yourself to decompress by journaling, walking the dog, meditating, or simply doing something you enjoy that’s just for you to refill your tank.
02. Make self-care part of a daily routine.
Self-care isn’t any one particular thing. Self-care looks different for everyone. What’s important is working a bit of what fuels you to be your best into every single day. It can be as simple as enjoying a cup of coffee (while it's still hot!) alone on the patio before the house wakes up, exercising, journaling, or chatting with a friend. Whatever it is that makes you, you. Make time for that every single day.
03. Learn to use meditative breathing.
Make mindfulness practice part of your toolkit for regulating your emotions. An easy way to work mindfulness meditation into your daily routine is to take a few minutes out of your day to close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Often referred to as the 4-7-8 technique, mindful breathing is commonly used in meditation practice as a grounding technique to help the practitioner calm themselves, focus on being present, reduce anxiety, and aid in falling asleep.
The great thing about mindful breathing is that you can do it anywhere, anytime, and as often as you need to. The more you practice this powerful technique, the easier it will be to regulate your emotional response during periods of high stress.
The 4-7-8 technique focuses the breath on a specific pattern of breathing:
Start with empty lungs.
Breathe in slowly through the nostrils for a full 4 seconds.
Hold your breath for 7 seconds.
Exhale, audibly through your lips as though you are blowing out a candle for 8 seconds.
Repeat as many times as desired.
04. Connect with other adults and other foster parents.
Spending time with other adults in your social circle is a vital part of self-care. Humans are social creatures, our survival depends on the strength of our relationships. It’s no wonder social well-being is essential to overall well-being.
Healthy friendships reduce stress, increase self-esteem, and creativity and help us feel supported and loved, especially for foster parents to a child who may have experienced trauma.
Schedule a recurring coffee date, book club, or brunch date with a friend or family member to keep your social health meter charged and keep your circle of support close.
05. Have a solid sleep hygiene routine.
The quality of your sleep sets the pace for the entire day. The cumulative effects of poor sleep contribute to worsening anxiety, depression, and increased risk of heart disease, hypertension, and stroke. Good sleep hygiene sets you up for a successful and restful night of restorative sleep.
Tips for a healthy sleep routine:
Go to bed at the same time every night. The consistency will prime your circadian rhythm to naturally tell your brain and body when it’s time to start winding down for the day.
Have a nighttime ritual: a bath, a cup of chamomile, or a book to wind down is a great nighttime ritual.
Ditch the screen at least one hour before bedtime. Studies have shown that screen use up to two hours before bedtime causes the body’s natural melatonin surge to become disrupted.
Make exercise part of healthy sleep habits. No, we don’t mean run on the treadmill at bedtime. Getting plenty of exercise and spending time outdoors during the day is good for the entire family’s sleep health.
06. Read a book to reduce stress.
Escaping into a good book or reading something that nurtures your growth is a great way to care for your cognitive, spiritual, and emotional well-being. Reading improves focus, reduces stress, and helps us process our own stress and anxiety through relatable stories or content. Even if you aren’t reading for those reasons, reading a book for a few minutes each day is a great way to recharge and destress.
07. Spend time alone.
Sometimes we simply need to be alone. Alone with our thoughts, alone to listen to music or your favorite podcast, or go for a walk in silence. Being alone isn’t the same as loneliness. Being alone allows you space and time to decompress and focus on yourself.
08. Set boundaries for yourself with your children.
Setting boundaries is essential to self-care, and self-love and sets a good example for children for how they, too, should set limits and boundaries as they grow. Boundaries establish a baseline for behavior; what’s acceptable and what isn’t, rules for the household, and how to care for and treat family members and pets. Boundaries aren’t a punishment and shouldn’t be treated as such. Boundaries are how we prevent ourselves from reaching burnout and becoming irritable and not present for our family and ourselves. For foster children, who may have experienced trauma, boundaries can help establish routine and security and equip them with the tools they need to break cycles of abuse in adulthood.
Setting healthy boundaries looks like:
Communicate to your children what the rules and routines are - both for the household and for yourself as a parent.
Be consistent. There is nothing more confusing than mixed messages.
Think of how you can create boundaries that protect your personal space and time. Establish an age-appropriate “night-night” routine that allows you or you and your partner time in the evening to connect without the children.
Make chores a group effort.
Respect your children’s boundaries too! Give them their own private time and space for their own enrichment and self-care.
09. Talk to a professional.
Parenting can be very isolating. In cases of foster care where children have experienced trauma, it can be challenging to process and help them through their grief without succumbing to grief yourself. When a child is reunited with their birth family, feelings of deep loss can set in. There are resources for parents to go to for support through their agency or through childwelfare.gov. If you are experiencing depression, grief, anger or anxiety, talk to your physician.
10. Prepare a healthy meal for yourself.
Care for yourself from the inside out by cooking a healthy, well-balanced meal. You may find that extra boost of energy you need to feel energetic about other positive self-care activities like exercising.
Taking care of yourself is not selfish. In fact, as a parent, taking care of yourself helps you selflessly care for the people who depend on you. The more you normalize a routine of self-care, limit setting, and establishing boundaries the more you model these behaviors to build more resilient children and be the healthiest version of yourself.
