“We Did It! We are Officially Family!” How Kinship Foster Care Kept a Family of 6 Together.

“Foster care is hard, and I believe it’s even harder as a grandparent. But I was glad to do it.”

When Jeff and Michelle received the call from Health and Human Services, that all 6 of their grandchildren were being removed from their home, without hesitation, they knew that kinship foster care was the next step for their family.

What is kinship foster care?

Relative, or kinship foster care, is the placement of children into the care of a family member or relative. Studies have shown that placement with a trusted family member is less traumatic than placement with someone the child or children do not know. Kinship care is a close second preference to children staying with parents/ guardians when appropriate, but when the child must be removed from the home, kinship care is the next best solution for the child.

Kinship care also provides a higher level of security and permanency than other forms of foster care, and children are less likely to re-enter foster care when cared for by a family member.

In the US, there are over 2.5 million children in kinship foster care. Often, through kinship care, siblings have the ability to remain together, resulting in better outcomes.

Other benefits of kinship care include maintaining cultural identity and family belief systems that help support the children and make them feel safe, and connected, and restore family bonds. Children can learn and participate in family traditions and heritage and feel closer to their family when placed in kinship care.

Challenges with kinship foster care.

Kinship care, much like traditional foster care, brings its own set of challenges. The relational challenges kinship care providers face can include intense emotions and feeling that loyalties are divided. Feelings of guilt and shame are commonly reported specifically with grandparent kinship care.

Speaking with a professional on an ongoing basis during the transition period and beyond can help the caregiver process the many emotions surrounding kinship care.

As Michelle processed her own emotions and difficulty with accepting a family of 6 siblings into their small, one-bathroom home, she leaned on her Better Living Foster Care Specialist for support;

“Our foster care specialist through Better Living was my lifeline. She would take my calls, listen to me rant, cry, and vent. Through it all though, she kept me sane. Better Living went above and beyond, if it weren’t for a great support system like them, I don’t know how I would have gotten through it.”

The initial transition, though challenging, went pretty smoothly for Michelle and her family. As Michelle recalls, “the honeymoon” stage was where the relief of leaving a tough situation made for a relatively pain-free transition for the children. However, the trauma the children suffered as a response to the circumstances surrounding their placement in foster care started to appear;

“in a blink of an eye, someone turned a switch and boom!! It wasn’t so easy.”

resulting in the oldest sibling attending respite foster care and working through issues with aggression towards their siblings and Michelle and Jeff.

After several months of in-home therapy, in addition to visits with a case worker and foster care specialist, separate weekly therapy appointments for all 6 kids, school functions, court dates, and going through quarantine during the Covid 19 outbreak, Michelle and Jeff say, they wouldn’t have changed a thing.

“How are we going to continue?”

After nearly 3 years of foster care, Jeff and Michelle found out that they would be adopting their grandchildren, all 6 of them, in March of 2023; “These are our children, and we couldn’t be happier.”

Michelle and Jeff believe that the rewards of kinship foster care far outweigh the sacrifices and struggles.

If you are interested in foster care, or adoption, or are looking for family support in Nebraska, contact a specialist at Better Living Foster Care and Family Services.

“Without [Better Living’s] support, there would have been no way I could have done this. Your staff was amazing. You have no idea. I hope someday I can help someone out with all the ins and outs of being a foster parent.”