Creating Healthy Habits: Resolving Conflict as a Family
At Better Living Foster Care and Family Services, we work with Nebraska families to develop the skills they need to stay strong together and break the cycles that require intervention.
Conflict is a natural part of life, and it can be especially prevalent in foster care homes. Children in foster care may have experienced trauma, loss, and abandonment, which can make it difficult for them to communicate their feelings and needs effectively. As a foster parent, modeling healthy conflict resolution is an essential aspect of creating a safe and supportive environment for the children in your care.
In this blog post, we'll explore some key strategies for modeling healthy conflict resolution as a foster parent:
How to model healthy communication as a foster parent.
Communication is the cornerstone of healthy conflict resolution. As a foster parent, it's essential to prioritize open and honest communication with the children in your care. Encourage children to express their feelings, thoughts, and concerns, and listen actively to what they have to say. When conflicts arise, take the time to talk through the issue calmly and respectfully, using "I" statements to express your own feelings and needs.
Non-verbal communication like body language, can help establish trust with children who otherwise struggle with communicating their needs. Smiling when speaking, keeping your hands and arms close to your body, dropping down to the child’s level and moving slowly can help build trust and make children feel more comfortable. Look for cues that the child may be more comfortable with communicating through play or role play and provide plenty of opportunities for play.
It's also important to model healthy communication with other adults in your life. Children learn by example, so be mindful of how you communicate with your partner, friends, and other family members. Speak kindly and respectfully, even when you disagree, and avoid using hurtful language or making personal attacks.
Teach Conflict Resolution Skills.
Conflict resolution is a skill that can be learned and practiced. As a foster parent, you have an opportunity to teach children healthy conflict-resolution skills that they can use throughout their lives.
Start by modeling healthy conflict resolution yourself. When you have a conflict with someone, talk through the issue calmly and respectfully, and work together to find a solution that meets everyone's needs. Children are more likely to learn conflict resolution skills when they see them in action.
You can also teach conflict resolution skills directly by talking through common conflict scenarios with the children in your care. For example, you might role-play a scenario where two children disagree about how to play a game or share a toy. Talk through different ways to approach the situation, and encourage children to brainstorm their own solutions.
Encourage Empathy.
Empathy is a key component of healthy conflict resolution. When we can put ourselves in someone else's shoes and understand their perspective, it's easier to find common ground and work together to find a solution.
As a foster parent, you can encourage empathy by modeling it yourself. When conflicts arise, take the time to listen to each person's perspective and acknowledge their feelings. Encourage children to do the same, and help them practice active listening skills by repeating back what they've heard and asking clarifying questions.
You can also encourage empathy by exposing children to diverse perspectives and experiences. Encourage them to learn about different cultures, religions, and backgrounds, and help them develop a sense of curiosity and openness towards others.
Set Boundaries.
Setting boundaries is an essential part of healthy conflict resolution. Healthy boundaries help us communicate our needs and expectations, and they help prevent conflicts from escalating.
As a foster parent, it's important to set clear boundaries with the children in your care. Talk through your expectations around behavior, chores, and other household rules, and be consistent in enforcing those boundaries. Conversely, it is essential to also respect the child’s boundaries and show that mutual respect is a healthy skill for effective communication.
When conflicts arise, remind children of the boundaries you've set and encourage them to respect them. You might also need to adjust your boundaries as needed to accommodate changing needs and circumstances.
Focus on the Solutions, Not Who’s at Fault.
When conflicts arise, it's easy to get caught up in assigning blame and focusing on the past. However, this approach rarely leads to healthy conflict resolution.
For children in foster care, it's important to focus on finding solutions rather than assigning blame. Encourage children to work together to find a solution that meets everyone's needs, and help them brainstorm creative solutions that take everyone's perspective into account.
When conflicts arise, avoid getting defensive or taking sides. Instead, stay neutral and talk through the problem; what is within their control and what is not and move toward a solution together.
Conflict is unavoidable, and as previously mentioned, your foster child may have experienced a lot of conflict in their life. By prioritizing communication, and modeling healthy conflict resolution, you are equipping them with the necessary skills for navigating through some of life’s more difficult moments of conflict.
If you’re wondering about the next step in the foster parent journey, looking for a community of support in Nebraska, or just have questions- give us a call.
